Go Hug Your Mom

Go hug your mom. Seriously… If you are lucky enough that she is still around, make time, find her, and tell her you love her.

Between being completely overjoyed and overwhelmed, I had an epiphany as soon as I heard each of my babies cry for the first time. I finally got it. Unconditional Love. I remember thinking- “Ohhhh this is what it’s all about. I get it now.” We had made this little person and instinctively I just knew… This little thing was a piece of me and I was a mom now. My heart exploded, and it was like a trap door opened deep inside of me, carving out more space to be filled with love.

I worried about this when I was pregnant the second time. I wondered how I would ever love another baby as much as I loved Ben- I mean, my heart was filled to the brim already, wasn’t it? Where was this new baby going to fit? It wasn’t until the first time I heard Jack cry that my heart exploded all over again and more room was carved out. Ben’s love compartment remained full at 100% and Jack’s space in my heart filled to 100% in a millisecond.

I remember realizing that I loved them so much that it hurt. I realized that I (gasp) loved them more than myself. I would do anything in my capacity to make sure that they would never, ever hurt. I found myself crying at bullying commercials before my baby was even a week old. (Thanks postpartum hormones!) I was convinced that I would see to it that no one and nothing would ever hurt my baby or make him sad… I would accompany him throughout middle school if I had to, and kick every potential bully’s ass personally (totally normal postpartum thoughts).

And then it hit me. My own mother must feel this way about me. I mean, I knew she loved me… But she couldn’t possibly love me as much as when I was an adorable little infant, right? I put her through the ringer when I was in High School. I spent a portion of my money for books on a lovely tramp stamp as soon as I got to college, and I made some poor decisions after graduation that I know she wasn’t happy about, nor was I proud of. I didn’t deserve to be loved the way I felt about my perfect little babies.  And then each time I saw her, I started to notice a look in her eyes, a look that had always been there, I just had never paid attention to before. I started to pick up on the tone in her voice when she talked to me, and I knew that despite whatever things I had done in my youth to disappoint her- she still had the same amount of love for me as the first time she saw me.  This realization made me love her even more, if that was possible. I loved her on a different level, a more conscious level.

I can only imagine what new space opens up in her heart each time she holds a new grand baby for the first time… She’s currently preparing for her first granddaughter this coming spring (way to to go, sis!)

Love at first sight… It’s actually a real thing. Love you, mom!

mom

8 thoughts on “Go Hug Your Mom

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